Alright, here me out- we’ve been saying some of our numbers completely wrong for all these years. For whatever reason, the bozos way back when came up with the words for our number system, and we just stuck with it. It’s actually insane if you really think about it. Allow me to explain.

Numbers start out completely fine: one, two, three, four, five six, seven, eight, nine. I mean, it’s probably not what I would’ve chosen, but it works. Here’s where things get weird. We hop over to ten, then eleven, and then twelve. So at this point, it seems like every number is going to sound completely different from each other. That’s pretty annoying considering numbers go on forever, but then the number creators decided to throw in some teens- thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen. Okay, so randomly there were some repeat numbers mixed in, did you catch that? FOURteen, SIXteen, SEVENteen, EIGHTteen, NINEteen. Interesting. Let’s keep going here.

The next sets of numbers are the twenties, thirties, forties, fifties, sixties, seventies, eighties, and nineties. Again, you should recognize the same repeat numbers- FORties (not sure why they decided to take away the U, but we’ll fix that later), SIXties, SEVENties, EIGHTies, and NINEties. To me, these repeats make sense. No need to make every number completely different, let’s not confuse our youth here. Here’s my issue- why are the other numbers not repeats? What’s up with twenty, thirty and fifty? Even worse, what the heck is going on from ten all the way to nineteen? Well, folks, if you’ll join me in this fight, I think we can make the proper changes to our number system that could really make us feel like we accomplished something in life. So let’s get started.

Fixing numbers 10 through 19

We’ll start from the low number issues and work our way up. What’s the first number I mentioned above? One. And eventually, we get to a whole bunch of numbers that end with TY. (twenty, thirty, forty, etc). So, instead of all this randomness with the numbers ten through nineteen, we should just go with Onety! Get it? ONE-ty. Just like SIX-ty and SEVEN-ty. It makes perfect sense! From there, you would count the same way as in you do in the twenties.

Say it with me now: Onety-one, onety-two, onety-three, onety-four, onety-five, onety-six, onety-seven, onety-eight, onety-nine! I know some people will complain that you’ll miss out on your “teen years,” but I think your onety years would be a lot of fun, too, right? Anyway, now to fix the twenties, thirties and fifties.

Slight Changes to the 20’s, 30’s and 50’s

I have know idea why the number creator guys weren’t consistent with their choices. Like I wrote above, numbers like SIXty and SEVENty are perfect; they are repeats of what we already know when we learned the numbers SIX and SEVEN. Therefore, instead of twenty, it will now be twoty. (pronounced “too tee”). And instead of thirty, it will be threety (pronounced “three tee” which is exactly how you’d think it was pronounced so I’m not sure why I felt the need to waste your time there). So, let’s go through this, shall we?

After onety-nine, come twoty! And then twoty-one, twoty-two (that’s fun to say), twoty-three, twoty-four, twoty-five, twoty-six, twoty-seven, twoty-eight, twoty-nine, threety! Threety-one, threety-two, threety-three, threety-four, threety-five, threety-six, threety-seven, threety-eight, threety-nine, fourty! It’s very annoying how all these words are being underlined to inform me that they are spelt wrong because the reality is my changes to the number system makes perfect sense and we all need to get on board with it! Oh, if you didn’t catch this, forty is now fourty. We have to keep things consistent, for the kids.

After the fourties, we need to make a slight change to the fifties. They are now the fiveties. So what’s halfway to one hundred? Fivety. And then Fivety-one and so on. Everything after that makes sense so it can stay the same, until you get to the one hundreds. Basically, every change I’ve made here must continue into the hundreds, thousands, millions, and on and on. For example, what year is it? Two thousand twoty-two. Or how much did I weigh in grade 7? One hundred onety pounds.

There’s also some slang we’ll have to get used to. So for the two numbers above (2022 and 110), people used to say twenty twenty two and one-ten. Now, you will say twoty-twoty two (best year ever) and one-onety.

Final Thoughts

Look, some may think of the old saying, “don’t try to reinvent the wheel.” The problem is, our number system is nothing like the wheel. The system is messed up, has been forever, and we’ve just accepted it. I say no more! I am no longer twenty-nine, turning thirty. I am twoty-nine, turning threety. I’ve given this a lot of thought. Some may say I’ve let it consume me and it’s become a problem and they may be right. But I’ve come too far to back down now. It’s time to change our flawed number system! So long as I have my onety fingers to type, I will post about this so often you’ll be forced to accept this as our new system! So either join the fight, or be on the wrong side or history. The choice is yours.

Anyway, chow for now!

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